Chris

Name: Chris
Age: 17
Location: Seminole, Florida

Why he's a star:

• He showers with your mom.
  
• Chris is a player. I stumbled upon one of his profiles, and nearly used it because it's that good, but the pictures were too small. The main reason I didn't use him, though, was because he said he was looking for a relationship, but then he kind of broke my heart when I saw that he was already in a relationship. Imagine my surprise when I saw his handsome face again. This time his photos were big enough to use and he was single (there is a God).
• He's packin' huge, ladies and gentlemen. Not only is he the white Wilt Chamberlain, but in his profile where he's listed as being in a relationship, he also lets us know that he's a shy kisser, and an energizer bunny in bed. Nope, he's not overcompensating at all. My man Chris is honest. I mean, I read that and think, "I gosta get me a one-way plane ticket to Seminole, FL."
• His single profile has more surveys than a 14-year-old girl's. One survey, in particular, reveals a lot about him; he has self deprecating charm, and when it comes to his sexuality, homeboy is clearly figuring things out. When asked if he thought he looked good he gives the ole, "Nah, but everyone says I'm good looking." When asked if he's kissed someone of the opposite sex, he fires back with, "of course." How dare you ask that? He's a man's man. Chris gets down all day every day. He luuurves the ladies, especially Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Christina Aguilera and Cher...in concert.
  

The Pictures

Get to know Chirs, or Negro Thunder as he likes to call himself, as a taken man, or as a single guy.

Damien

Name: Damien
Age: 30
Location: Los Angeles, California

Why He's A Star:

• "10K friends... now what" Yes. Exactly. Now what? I don't know? Now... do the dishes? Now...feed the cat? Now... take two steps forward, take two steps back cause opposites attract? Damn, Damien, I don't know. Now what?! He actually has over 13 thousand friends as of last count. NOWWWWWWW What?!?!?!

• He posts pictures of himself with celebrities. Of course, this makes him cool. Except... one picture is with Kevin Federline. Does that count as a celebrity? It's actually pretty funny because Damien bears a striking resemblance to K-Fed. It's like life imitating art, or art imitating art, of fart imitating fart.

• One last thing. He lives in Los Angeles which means he's obviously gay and obviously wants to be an actor, but what kills me is that his myspace address is "straightact." Damien baby, two things: 1.) If you really came off as a straight man, you wouldn't need to announce it. 2.) You said it best; it's an act. You will never actually be straight, so just keep on acting like you are. Come to think of it, this will probably be your only legitimate acting role. Besides cheap porn.
  

If gay white men acting like straight black men is your forte, hit him up.
And Damien, even though you'll never actually be a star, you'll always be a MySpace star to us.