Wendy

Name: Wendy
Age: 53
Location: Kinston, North Carolina

Why She's A Star:

Ohhh my my my, where to begin?

• Well, she applauds herself as being an excellent communicator. She says she can chat with kids, teens, or adults. This makes you wonder, why didn't she just say she can chat with "anyone" instead of "kids, teens, or adults." This explanation of "anyone" gives you a clue as to the kind of friends she has. Additionally, she hasn't forgotten "what it's like to be any age." Except, of course, her own. You're 53, granny. Lose the mini-skirts.

• She says she "listens to the music of today." Then she has an Everlast (1998) video posted. Whitey Ford Sings The Blues, anyone?
  

• This quote:

  "If your [sic] fishing in alot [sic] of crab pots then keep goin [sic], this is the wrong fishing spot for you."

• DRAGONS!
  

So, if you refuse to accept that you're old, check her out. Unless you're fishing in a lot of crab pots. In which case, this isn't your fishing hole. So keep fishing.

Brendan

Name: Brendan
Age: 18
Location: Harmony, Pennsylvania

Why He's A Star:

• Brendan is one of those kids who pretends like their look "just happens." Like, "I just rolled out of bed this morning and my hair was all emo like this. No, I didn't spend countless hours in the mirror trying to perfect the 'hair-covering-the-eyes' look. It's just how I am." Bitch, PLEASE. Two of his groups are: "hot emo hair", and "cool kids with cool hair." Note to Brendan, you can't create "cool." Unless you're us. In which case this blog is cool, and we created it.

• Most of his friends have that stupid ass "TM" thing at the end of their display name. You know what I mean. It's irritating.

• In his About Me section, after you get passed the pictures of coffee, cigarettes, and what looks like someone attempting to recycle a nazi swastika, you'll see that he's vomitingly in love with some girl who looks like a boy. Another note to Brendan: You're 18. You're not in love. She has crabs.
  

Click here if you wanna dance, dance

Bobby

Name: Bobby "Banger"
Age: 22
Location : "j-action ville", North Carolina

Why he's a star:

• He's already an alcoholic and the war isn't even over! Usually it takes at least 10 years for a veteran to develop a nasty relationship with grandpa's medicine, but not Bobby.

• Repetitive use of "the shocker." Yes, two-in-the-pink, one-in-the-stink is pretty funny. However, it makes it pretty obvious that he likes ass-play.

• He's somehow managed to dodge that whole "don't ask, don't tell" thing -- commendable considering his flamboyance.
  

salute your shorts

Justin

Name: Justin
Age: 18
Location: Lexington, Kentucky

Why he's a star:

• He blends his rough edge with a genuine offer of friendship. "IMMA CRIP SO FUKK ALL YALL BLOODZ.... AND IF U HAVE YAHOO U CAN HIT ME UP" Aww, Justin.
• He (predictably) has one of those obnoxious surveys posted. In it he lists his favorite store as "Spencerz." You know what kind of people shop at Spencer's Gift Shop. Go ahead, imagine all of the psychedelic posters that come alive when he flips on his black light. But, really, where else are you going to get a bean bag with the Insane Clown Posse on it? Nowhere.
• Perhaps my favorite part of his survey is when he answers "career" under the "future" section with: "GO INTO DA ARMY." Well, at least he understands his options.

This is the future generation, folks. Ya feelz meh?

The Pictures:

holla at a brotha

Lydia

Name: Lydia
Age: 42
Location: ELIZABETH, New Jersey

Why she's a star:

• A complete lack of any grammatical skills at such an advanced age definitely qualifies her as a star.
• According to her About Me section, she's "divorces" with two "teen age" kids. Also, she's "very adventurist," which is a good quality to have if you're ever going to find someone that will accept that you're an idiot.
• She does that thing that all Puerto Ricans do. You know what I mean. That "pride" shit. Note the beautiful background of what looks like a penitentiary superimposed on top of a Puerto Rican flag.
• She's also looking for friends who can "party decently." If you think this is you, then go ahead and add her as a friend. Otherwise, peace out papi.

THE PICTURES:

Check her out and for added fun, check out her underage son drinking here and her daughter's excessive use of swear words here.