Wendy

Name: Wendy
Age: 53
Location: Kinston, North Carolina

Why She's A Star:

Ohhh my my my, where to begin?

• Well, she applauds herself as being an excellent communicator. She says she can chat with kids, teens, or adults. This makes you wonder, why didn't she just say she can chat with "anyone" instead of "kids, teens, or adults." This explanation of "anyone" gives you a clue as to the kind of friends she has. Additionally, she hasn't forgotten "what it's like to be any age." Except, of course, her own. You're 53, granny. Lose the mini-skirts.

• She says she "listens to the music of today." Then she has an Everlast (1998) video posted. Whitey Ford Sings The Blues, anyone?
  

• This quote:

  "If your [sic] fishing in alot [sic] of crab pots then keep goin [sic], this is the wrong fishing spot for you."

• DRAGONS!
  

So, if you refuse to accept that you're old, check her out. Unless you're fishing in a lot of crab pots. In which case, this isn't your fishing hole. So keep fishing.

Bobby

Name: Bobby "Banger"
Age: 22
Location : "j-action ville", North Carolina

Why he's a star:

• He's already an alcoholic and the war isn't even over! Usually it takes at least 10 years for a veteran to develop a nasty relationship with grandpa's medicine, but not Bobby.

• Repetitive use of "the shocker." Yes, two-in-the-pink, one-in-the-stink is pretty funny. However, it makes it pretty obvious that he likes ass-play.

• He's somehow managed to dodge that whole "don't ask, don't tell" thing -- commendable considering his flamboyance.
  

salute your shorts