Jim

Name: Jim
Age: 31
Location: Tyrone, Pennsylvania
Why he's a star:

• The background to his profile is evocative of the reckoning. I've never experienced the reckoning, per se, but I imagine it involves cacti, lightning, and bad Jesus rock.
  
• He's the mayor of the great town of Tyrone, PA and he's on Myspace. Now, I know mayors are people too, and they have lives and all that gobbledygook, but don't you think that you should maybe, like, not have public personal profiles that sound even mildly evangelical? Just a thought, no need to condemn me to hell.
  
• He has a video that urges us to hear the battle cry and join in and do the Lord's work. That's all good, and more power to you, Jim, but the video is so not working for me. It's a dizzying mix of iPod and Target commercials, and the music video for "Seven Nation Army." And the song? Oh, goodness that song. It's like a mixture of Nickelback, and Creed. Hold on, my ears are bleeding; I need a moment.
  
• Dude, he was created to, like, bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. If that's not star-worthy, then I don't know the meaning of the word.
  
• Jimmy, seems like a nice enough guy, so I'm going to commend him for not saying he wants to meet Jesus or God. I'm also being nice because he's a frickin' mayor, and I'm pretty sure he can have me tried for heresy and hanged, or something like that. They still do that crap, right?

The Pictures

If you're interested in helping Jim out with spreading the Word and whatnot, check him out here. While you're there, check out Jim's versatile smile and watch those videos because they're that good.

William

Name: William
Age: 43
Location: Stamford, Connecticut

Why he's a star:

• He lists God as one of his heroes. I’m sure God was thrilled when his number one plebian fan had his first MySpace profile deleted because of less than kosher pictures.

• His comments section! This section is a clear indication of the deep and meaningful relationship William has with all these fine ladies.


• I get the sneaking suspicion that our dear Snickerbar and Sexy Lydia might have gone to the same highly selective institution of higher learning because they both clearly hate grammar and good taste. And if their ages are correct, this year is their 20th college reunion. We must find out which college they attended. I’m guessing it was Harvard or Princeton.


• I understand he has two kids to support, but if he does, in fact make, $250,000, he should invest in a real digital camera. I mean, I’m in college supporting four kids, a nasty meth habit, a designer denim addiction, and I have a spiffy digital camera. Maybe Wills should buy The Secret to help him out.


• HIS PICTURES! Oh, good Lord the pictures are a God send. You’d think he’d be able to get one of his model friends to snap a picture of those lips. The one of his abs looks like it was taken by his peen. C’mon, Wills.
  

On a more serious note, Snickerbar is looking for models, actors, and actresses for his business so if you want to be in a commercial for the Stamford branch of Dunder Mifflin, get at him.

Bklyn Finest1

Name: Bklyn Finest1
Age: 21
Location: Nike Florida But Mind In Jordan Brooklyn NY

Why he's a star:

• In his about me section, he lets us know that he’s the Brooklyn Bridge and he’s “fabulous.” He might look all rough and tumble, but he totally listed his orientation as, “no answer.” He totes listens to Caushun.
• He thinks that Sidekicks are a sign of keeping it gangsta, and let’s face it folks, they are. If T-Mobile were smart, they’d make an effort to join forces with the first of Bklyn’s finest. Talk about untapped resources.
• He has slideshow that puts all slideshows to shame. His captions make him sound like a 13-year-old girl at times, but the best part has to be his obsession with shoes and his Chanel sunglasses.

• He lists himself as his hero. Let’s ease up on the Haterade and be real here because this fine young man is a hero to us all. Bklyn keeps it gangsta, he shaves jazzy messages into his hair, but most importantly, he’s ballin’ and we ain’t.

The Pictures:

Bklyn, has a host of gems hidden in his profile, and if you are fluent in Balla, you can read up on him. If you're Christina Milian, love reggaeton, or are just a pleb who wants to get in touch with Bklyn, check him out right here.