Mikey - Reader Nomination

Name: Mikey B.
Age: 21
Location: Albany, NY

Why he's a star:

• This is our very first reader-nominated star. He was referred to us by a (probably) awesome guy! We want to blow the guy who sent us this nomination. and swallow!

• So this guy is hard to pick apart because he gives very little in his About Me section. This means that he can A) not write B) is even boring to himself, or C) recently lost his fingers, rendering him incapable of typing a shitty About Me section and therefore providing me with no material.

• I'm trying hard, like... as hard as Chris Richardson on American Idol makes me, to figure out just what the fuck this guy does for work. He says that he's a Fashion Designer (meaning he probably sketches Lara Croft-esque outfits and things in a notebook from time to time), a Business Marketer for Fashion (meaning he makes everyone look at his shitty drawings of outfits), and a Music Promoter (meaning he plays his favorite songs really loudly with the windows of his mom's car down). In all honestly, this guy probably does have a real job. Let's see: Fashion Deisgner + Business Marketer + Music Promoter = Waiter at Applebee's.

• He has this big, long list of videos of people filming themselves saying "hello" to him. This works in two ways. 1) Boosting his self-esteem, and 2) Making all the people who type "hello" look sooooo http://www.
  

Quick! Add this guy before his self-esteem plummets and he breaks out ol' Tetanus Jones. Tetanus Jones, just in case you were wondering, is the name of a fictitious razor blade cartoon character that I just now made up. Tetanus Jones is black, btw.

William

Name: William
Age: 43
Location: Stamford, Connecticut

Why he's a star:

• He lists God as one of his heroes. I’m sure God was thrilled when his number one plebian fan had his first MySpace profile deleted because of less than kosher pictures.

• His comments section! This section is a clear indication of the deep and meaningful relationship William has with all these fine ladies.


• I get the sneaking suspicion that our dear Snickerbar and Sexy Lydia might have gone to the same highly selective institution of higher learning because they both clearly hate grammar and good taste. And if their ages are correct, this year is their 20th college reunion. We must find out which college they attended. I’m guessing it was Harvard or Princeton.


• I understand he has two kids to support, but if he does, in fact make, $250,000, he should invest in a real digital camera. I mean, I’m in college supporting four kids, a nasty meth habit, a designer denim addiction, and I have a spiffy digital camera. Maybe Wills should buy The Secret to help him out.


• HIS PICTURES! Oh, good Lord the pictures are a God send. You’d think he’d be able to get one of his model friends to snap a picture of those lips. The one of his abs looks like it was taken by his peen. C’mon, Wills.
  

On a more serious note, Snickerbar is looking for models, actors, and actresses for his business so if you want to be in a commercial for the Stamford branch of Dunder Mifflin, get at him.