Saturday, April 7, 2007

DanielKevin- Reader Nomination


Name: DanielKevin (one boring name would have sufficed, thankyouverymuch)
Age: 22
Location: Charlotte, North Carolina

Why he's a star:
  • He's God's gift to men, and if you can't handle that, then step the eff away, bitch. Also if, you're fat and ugly step waaaay the eff away. DannyK, or Danny T. Kane as I like to call him, don't share no air with no fatties.
  • He has this intoxicating delusion of grandeur that can lure gas out of your asshole. I have no clue what that means, but he actually thinks that the length of his hair is a controversial topic. Like people are begging him not to grow his hair out (probably because they know it looks like shit when it's long), and he's like, "No, haters. I need to do what I feel like doing, so let me go, and just listen."
  • After talking about how awesome he is, and how people want to know what it's like to be him, he's all, "I'm a visual manager at forever21." Yeah, Danny T. Kane, I'm sure people are dying to know more about your luxurious life dressing mannequins and hanging "75% off of all sequined & bedazzled tops" signs in your store's window. For realz, DKnotY, when someone sees you steaming the season's hottest black and silver polyester trousers and asks you for a size, do you snap your fingers and tell them to be gone? Better yet, tell me your decal application techniques. f
  • Oy vey! Enough with the pictures of yourself already, Danny T. It's difficult to tell if the overabundance of pictures of himself NOT in his photo section is result of narcissism, or simply because he has no representation, and he's praying Becky from "The Agency" will somehow stumble upon his profile and declare, "Bloo'y hell! This ki' is f*ckin' magic. I've go'uh put him on me, list...blah, blah, blah Mathias Lauridsen, blah, blah, that super hot guy from the J.Crew catalogues. Buttah!" There is one picture where he pretends to put a gun to his head. I say do it! I keed, Danny T. Take pills, that way you won't mess up your face.
The Pictures







DenialKevin has many interests, like, you know himself. If you too are interested in him, there are PLENTY of pictures you can look at right here. But people, people, don't say anything about his hair. He'll sic his Forever21 posse on you, and that's bound to get ugly.

5 comments:

InnerMysteries said...

namaste'

you know Pamela, i don't know what your weird ass problem is but you sound like some jealous retard.

you're a chick that doesn't look as good or will never look so good ? or some homophobe who can't get a dude as hot ? and this fat issue. hey, different strokes. i don't want to be with a fat person either. not sexually.

what's your problem ?
daniel is a cool guy. you're giving him attention, although negative, because he puts himself out there knowing he's getting attention. and his hair looks fantastic you low life hate monger.

the problem isn't danielkevin - the problem is you and your own delusions since you found it necessary to set up a ridiculous site like this. you accuse others of shallowness - hah. whoever said karma necessarily comes back in another life. how bout next week or next month...

you'll get yours and Pamela, your name sounds like a used car!

nothing like a classy name like danielkevin!

now, go and check your radiator and Please don't let us all know what it smells like. LOL

Melvin said...

My Mom Passed away this year, but she always said if there talking about me there leaving someone else alone. Keep up the good work Daniel.
Melvin

Pamela said...

Christ almighty! This was posted in April. What took you so long, maign? To answer your q's I don't really have a problem. Actually, I take that back. My printer ran out of ink and I'm a wee bit thirsty, but other than that, I'm coo'. Also, I'm not retarded. On the contrary, innermysteries, I'm kind of, how do they say it in French? Ah, bien sur, smart. I'm also not ugly, or fat in the least bit, but we can go with whatever soothes your mysterious soul. Most importantly, dear disgruntled reader, I'm not a homophobe, or a racist, nor do I discriminate against fat people (Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen...I would [have?] hit that), but thanks for trying.

All in all, you're right. I did an entry about Danielwhosimaface because he put himself out there, and someone (a "friend") nominated him for a good ribbing, so I finished doing my Listerine rinse, and stepped up to the keyboard. So, you deserve a gold star for recounting what I did that night. Don't worry, my pretty, the star is in the mail.

But all snark aside, if you think this is malicious because of my jealousy, paralyzed morals and/or values, or as you so eloquently suggested, mental defect, I fear you've missed the point. I haven't the time or will to explain it to you, but it has to do with having a sense of humor. While you sit there and essentially attack my perceived character and psyche, I beg you to use commas, and develop your attack against me a bit more. Personally, I think it lacks venom (what makes me a low-life?) and is decidedly non sequitur (shallowness and karma?).


Part of me (mostly the left lower quadrant) thinks this is a joke because it makes me chuckle I think it's the used car thing. What exactly does a used car sound like? Seriously? Ah, you must mean a nasty used car like an Aston Martin DB Mark III, or something gross like an Alfa Romero. That insult was kind of weak. I know you can do better. And why would I smell a radiator? That's just foolish. I'm not even going to pretend to know what that last statement you made means, but I'm happy it made you literally laugh out loud. Laughing is good for the soul, and those who read this site and others like it know that.



Hope all is well,
Used car

innermysteries said...

Pamela,

All your words do not meet your actions.

DanielKevin did not see this as a "joke" and personally, I see you as someone very weird.

Play your 'smart' word games - it still doesn't change your real desire to start this crap about someone who isn't you - try looking in the your own soul mirror

Anonymous said...

I would appreciate more visual materials, to make your blog more attractive, but your writing style really compensates it. But there is always place for improvement