William

Name: William
Age: 43
Location: Stamford, Connecticut

Why he's a star:

• He lists God as one of his heroes. I’m sure God was thrilled when his number one plebian fan had his first MySpace profile deleted because of less than kosher pictures.

• His comments section! This section is a clear indication of the deep and meaningful relationship William has with all these fine ladies.


• I get the sneaking suspicion that our dear Snickerbar and Sexy Lydia might have gone to the same highly selective institution of higher learning because they both clearly hate grammar and good taste. And if their ages are correct, this year is their 20th college reunion. We must find out which college they attended. I’m guessing it was Harvard or Princeton.


• I understand he has two kids to support, but if he does, in fact make, $250,000, he should invest in a real digital camera. I mean, I’m in college supporting four kids, a nasty meth habit, a designer denim addiction, and I have a spiffy digital camera. Maybe Wills should buy The Secret to help him out.


• HIS PICTURES! Oh, good Lord the pictures are a God send. You’d think he’d be able to get one of his model friends to snap a picture of those lips. The one of his abs looks like it was taken by his peen. C’mon, Wills.
  

On a more serious note, Snickerbar is looking for models, actors, and actresses for his business so if you want to be in a commercial for the Stamford branch of Dunder Mifflin, get at him.